Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
