I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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