If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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