My room smells like vodka and shame
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
