I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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