can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
