Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
