dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
