What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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