Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
