i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
