I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
