everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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