You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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