your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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