good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
