Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
