i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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