So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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