I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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