Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
