Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
