I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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