i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
