I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
