Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
