You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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