mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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