Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
