Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
