dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
