Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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