Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
