It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
