life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
