I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
