I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
