worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
