this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
