Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
