I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
