I got chris browned last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
