New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
