Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
