did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
