And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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