What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
