I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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