id be glad to
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
