woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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