i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
