did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
