It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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