Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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