I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
